Almost Doesn't Count
by marcasite
Summary: This time it will be about today, tomorrow, and all the new memories that can be created.


_Thank you Leslie, you know you rawk! And to Kay, for making me a kick ass song._

You see her in ways no one else can. Every day is about watching and waiting, looking out for those missing moments. The ones that she shares secretly with no one else. It's about the small smiles, laughing eyes, and stolen memories. Day after day, night after night blue eyes are peeled watching for those so that when she graces you with one it takes everything inside to stay and savor it. It almost feels right taking those from her.

Remember the way she would stand too close, invading your personal space? Back then it was wonderful how she wanted to learn and be playful and flattery was what you felt when she flirted. Gone are the curves of her smile as she playfully tossed out 'vixen' during a case and the touch of her hand on your face. The texture of silk against flesh is almost a memory.

She hides the tears when a case moves her emotionally or hits too close to home. Her past unfolds its haunting story page by painstaking page and all she needs now is a little comfort and support. She reaches out for the friendship and companionship that was once there yet time after time holding back is all that you're capable of doing. She almost misses the outstretched hand when it's finally offered.

Your eyes seek out the subtle changes in her confidence, her new found sense of self worth. She is no longer your star pupil and the feeling is both pride and remorse. Looking back, pushing her was so important to her success. Didn't she know that it was for her, that's why the distance was created? She has finally moved on, now becoming the teacher with the star pupil. Today someone else gazes at her the way she once did to her mentor. And it almost makes it worth while.

The changes in her life are crystal clear and there for all to see. The passion for her job, for her friends is reflected in her dark eyes and they are filled with contentment. Her pain is private, tucked away so deep, that the moments it does choose to surface are so few and far in between, she almost forgets that its there. She has chosen to embrace life and welcome this change with a bittersweet façade that she maintains. Everyone can see the sparkle in her eyes, the smile always hovering over the corner of her mouth and youalmost wish her happiness.

Desire for her coils inside and spirals its way around to the heart. This is something that has been lived with, always known to have existed. Since the first encounter with her, you wanted her. How can this be expressed to her, needing her to see this inside? Why couldn't she see past the surface and look straight into your heart? There she will finally be able to see all the things that couldn't ever be said aloud and then she'll understand what it was all for. Maybe it will be seen how frozen inside it's become and how much she can change that. Wishing her to delve deeper but afraid to let it happen because when she does it's almost enough for you and not quite enough for her.

Despite everything seen in her, why can't it be seen what matters the most to her, the only thing she needs? She lays out her heart and soul with every glance; every breath and they are never noticed. So she stands there in the doorway, hoping that this time it will be different. This time it will be about today, tomorrow, and all the new memories that can be created. No more hesitation, no more regrets. But she knows that it always comes down to this; waiting for this moment and almost isn't good enough.

Tomorrow will be enough time to gather the courage to tell her all that she is. Fear, regret, pain, insecurity will be forgotten and it will be freeing. Tomorrow will be here soon enough and really, what's one more day? You will tell her that it's time for an "us" and what was always missing was found in her. But somehow tomorrows seem to have come and gone and what are left is only today and the missing memories and the hint that you almost had more.


End file.
